That guy/gal you’ve been pining over secretly since middle school? Your best friend whom you just know you’re supposed to end up with? 😭 The cute girl you’ve been seeing for a bit now, and would like to get to know better? What if the secret to all of these people’s hearts is as simple as answering 36 questions with them? 😉
Arthur Aron, a social psychology researcher, developed these questions that start off with fun questions and then gets progressively personal as they go on. The idea is that, if you’re mutually vulnerable (because the questions get REAL DEEP), any two people can foster closeness. 😯 People say if two people sit and answer them together honestly, they will fall in love with each other by the time they’re done (even if they’re strangers!)
In fact, Arthur Aron actually succeeded in getting two strangers to fall in love in his laboratory. He asked a man and woman to sit face to face and answer the 36 questions and end it by staring into each other’s eyes for 4 minutes. The most fascinating part? 6 months later the couple got married. They invited the entire laboratory to the ceremony! 😍
I, personally, don’t believe that you can fall in LOVE by just answering these questions since love depends on so much more. But, I can vouch for the fact that you feel a whole lot closer to the person you answered it with – which, in potential romantic cases, could result in a strong mutual attraction as well 😍 I also did a little digging around and found that a lot of people do it with other relationships too, not just a romantic partner – like a friend, sibling, parent, ex-best friend, co-worker or literally anyone. My sister and I answered these, and although I thought I knew everything about her, I discovered a lot more and we’re tighter than ever now 👭
So I invite you to save this link somewhere, and pull it up next time you’re with a friend you’d like to mend your relationship with, your partner of 5 years, your mum when you both are just chilling with some tea, your best friend that you know inside out or even that cute boy or girl you like. Oh, ESPECIALLY with the latter 😉
The questions are divided into 3 sets. Feel free to be as descriptive about your answers as you feel like. Make sure you don’t have any time constraints or appointments for the next 1-2 hours. You can take turns reading out the questions loud with your partner, and both of you must answer them honestly.
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
The quiz ends with you and your partner having to look into each other eyes for 4 minutes. You can do or skip this step as per your relationship with them.
Did you answer the 36 questions with someone, and did it help you get closer to them? Let us know what your experience was like in the comments below!
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